


Heavy Like a Loaded Gun

by anyothergirl415



Series: Loveland High verse [5]
Category: CW Network RPF, Real Person Fiction, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Familial Abuse, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-21
Updated: 2010-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-26 23:59:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyothergirl415/pseuds/anyothergirl415
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn’t Chad’s first detention by any means. But it’s certainly his most memorable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heavy Like a Loaded Gun

The first time Chad had to deal with Jensen Ackles and his new addition into his best friend’s life was two days after they’d got together. Or whatever. Patched up old wounds with a fucking doll. _Of course_. That was so very Jared that Chad didn’t even have the extra energy to spare an eye roll on his behalf.

In truth Chad was happy for Jared. How could he not be when the giant kid was bouncing around at his heels like he’d taken lessons from his dogs? The night after they’d apparently made out in the school hall and walked home holding hands Chad had to listen to the story somewhere close to a thousand times before he finally threatened pain to Jared’s genitalia if he didn’t _shut up_.

The day after Chad had been spared any potential love fest by an early morning pre-college test, the ACT. It had pros and cons, he had to go in early, and he missed his English class – which was almost enough to make him bail on the ACT thing – but a good score on that was apparently important. Or something. The Instructor had just said scoring high enough could help secure a place in college and Chad was on board. After all, college was his ticket out.

And so the following morning when he stepped out of his house it was to find Jared waiting across the street as usual with Jensen, Mike, and that freaky new kid Misha. Chad had hesitated, trying to determine if they were waiting for him, watching Mike and Misha bump shoulders and laugh while Jared grinned down at the ground and Jensen flushed crimson. It took Chad crossing the street to realize the two J’s were holding hands. As were the M’s.

 _Awesome_.

“Hey Chad,” Jared smiled at him, biting his lip around the up tilt.

He had what Chad called his nervous, I’m-adorable-so-don’t-hurt-me, look. Chad would never admit it out loud but he was kind of a sucker for that look in particular. “Well. Looks like a gay filled morning for me.”

It was impossible to ignore the twitch of a smile on his lips as the four boys laughed and started off down the sidewalk. Initially it was big enough for Chad to fall into place beside Jared, Jensen on his other side, Mike and Misha leading the way. Jared asked him about the ACT and if it was hard – he already took it so Chad knew it was more trying to include him in things, because that was just how Jared was. And it was all fine. Chad could deal with the new arrangement and he certainly hadn’t seen Jared so happy in a long time.

Then the sidewalk thinned slightly and before Jared could release Jensen’s hand, Chad slowed his pace and let himself fall behind. It became a line of two and two and one. That shouldn’t have bothered Chad the way it did. Clearly Mike and Misha’s relationship was in that beginning phase, where they spoke in soft whispers to each other about God knows what. While Jared and Jensen didn’t really talk at all, still learning and testing the boundaries of their new, whatever.

Chad was like he always was. A piece of the puzzle that didn’t quite fit in. The edge had been gnawed off, bent and broken and even though there was a place for him in the bigger picture there were holes and gaps instead of a perfect connection. It was kind of how Chad fit into every spectrum of his life, at home, here with his best friend’s friends, at school where he was feared and slightly loathed.

“So Chad,” Jensen spoke over his shoulder, glancing back at him with only the slightest hint of trepidation. “Jared says you have a thing for Kane.”

In the best of times Jared had a big mouth so Chad couldn’t say he was too surprised that the boy had told Jensen about his crush. And he was instantly glad he hadn’t spilled the beans about the kiss that was still haunting him even two days later.

“I think he’s hot, yeah.” Chad nodded; dismissing it like Kane wasn’t the center of most of his waking moments.

He most certainly was but Chad could keep a secret like nobody’s business.

“He’s okay.” Jensen shrugged and beside him Jared laughed.

“I think he’s hot.” When Jensen shot him a look Jared blushed, Chad could see the stain on his cheeks when he ducked his head slightly. “What? He is.”

“It’s just, nothing. Not like it matters.” Chad shrugged it off, like he did most things, and kicked a rock along the cement. A thousand times at least he’d walked this route to school and yet this moment felt weighted with the sudden differences.

When they hit school grounds Jared unhooked his hand from Jensen’s and lingered back to talk to Chad, promising Jensen he’d catch up with him inside. Chad knew this was one of those _are we cool_ moments, and he smiled wryly down at his feet until they were alone.

“You don’t have to spaz dude, I know you’re excited about the Jensen thing, I’m not gonna deny you that.” Chad beat Jared to the punch, grin brightening as he looked up at him. “We really don’t need to have an after school special moment here.”

Jared punched his shoulder fondly and laughed. “I want us all to be friend’s okay? Do you think you can handle it?”

“Man, I can handle anything.” Chad shrugged, hand sliding up through short blond spiked hair. “You and Jensen getting along?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” Jared nodded and his smile turned shy, eyes dropping to his shoes. “I spent all afternoon with him yesterday. We talked about everything, sorry about the Kane thing.”

“Nah, I don’t care. It’s not like I’m ashamed to find Kane smokin’ hot. He’s like sex on two well defined, muscle curved legs.” Chad laughed, dropping his hand back to his side.

Someone brushed his shoulder as they passed and Chad scowled, turning slightly, prepared to tell off whomever for not watching where they were going. Of course it had to be Kane passing, his honey locks catching in the morning breeze and billowing along his neck. Their eyes met for just a moment and he smiled, dropped his gaze and moved on. Chad was left staring slightly slack jawed.

“Do you think he heard you?” Jared whispered in a rush, eyes widening as he turned away from the teacher now heading inside.

“No, probably not.” Chad said softly, looking down so the lie wouldn’t be so obvious. Jared wouldn’t call him on it but he’d know at least.

“God. Awkward.” Jared laughed and turned, ready to head inside now that he was secure in the knowledge that Chad was okay with things.

Chad had the feeling it wouldn’t be the last time they had a conversation similar. Jared was the type to over think everything and maybe he was a little paranoid that he could lose Chad’s friendship – Chad knew all too well that Jared wouldn’t want that to happen. He’d lost too many friendships in the past. Or just the one big one that really counted.

So he would play his part, give Jared the happiness he deserved, and try not to lament the idea of being the third – or fifth – wheel in any given situation.

  


What people often didn’t know about Chad – besides the incredibly long list of other more trivial things – was that he was kind of ridiculously smart. No one would likely believe him if he tried to convince them of this and even his teachers seemed surprised when he turned in an assignment that exceeded their low expectations.

The only teacher that never seemed surprised by this fact was Kane. _I notice you too much._ Those words were still playing over and over in Chad’s mind, no matter how many times he tried to think of something else. So even though he was smart and he didn’t need to take notes – and he never did in any class – English this time around found him doodling on his notebook.

Thankfully it wasn’t hearts or the teacher’s name or anything, just little circles and swirls, but it apparently caught Kane’s attention and he cleared his throat. When Chad looked up it was to find himself eyelevel with Kane’s denim clad crotch. And _yeah_ there were definitely worst things to see but here in the middle of class? Not so cool.

“Am I boring you Murray?” Kane asked, head tilting to the side.

Around him students snickered and Chad swallowed, willing down the flush of heat crawling up onto his cheeks. “Uh, no.”

“But you’re too good for my lesson?” Kane bent slightly. The snickering grew louder then cut off abruptly when Kane’s head whipped to the side. “Detention, after school.”

“But I-“ Chad was _not_ weak. Almost every day of his life he faced down horrors some people only ever heard about in shows like Law and Order.

“No buts. After school.” Kane straightened up and turned away, heading back up the rows and to the front of the room.

Chad didn’t like the idea of being in trouble with Kane. He hoped it was more than that, that this was the teacher’s secret way of getting him alone. But if it wasn’t, than that really sucked. So basically he was torn between looking forward to the detention and dreading it.

  


“You got detention with Kane.” Jared said the moment he joined Chad at their usual lunch table. A beat later Jensen was sliding onto the bench beside him and Mike and Misha the beat after.

Chad was not accustomed to having his lunch time peace disrupted by anyone outside Jared, so he had to take a moment to inhale and remind himself he was really going to give this a try. “He caught me fuckin’ off.”

Misha and Mike snorted at the same time, their shoulders bumping together. Maybe Chad’s default would have made his eyes roll or something. As it was he found himself grinning, surprisingly pleased that he could have caused the two such great amusement.

“I hope not literally.” Jensen said quietly, stabbing his fork into slightly green goo on the lunch tray.

Chad wasn’t even going to hazard a _guess_ as to what that was. Instead he was a little more caught up on Jensen, the way he still seemed so unsure. They maybe had more mending to do than Jared and him. For whatever the reason, Chad suddenly wanted to try. “God I wish.”

Everyone laughed at that and Chad felt a little bit better all around.

“Seriously though man, what did you do?” Jared asked with a smirk, kicking Chad’s foot softly under the table.

That was what Chad had been asking himself all day really. “Dude, I don’t know. Pissed him off somehow.”

“Maybe he _did_ hear you this morning.” Jared pointed out and his eyes slowly widened as if the implication of Kane knowing Chad thought he was hot were just hitting him. “Oh god what if wants to talk to you about? What if you’re going to get lectured about appropriate behavior regarding teachers and stuff?”

Chad wasn’t that surprised that the other three boys at the table seemed to already know the story. Really, he couldn’t tell Jared anything. “I hope not.” Chad muttered. He hadn’t really considered it but there was the possibility that Kane wanted to do exactly that. Maybe he was worried Chad had spoken to Jared about the kiss.

And yeah, he was suddenly looking less forward to the detention. But still, extra time seeing Kane even to get a lecture would be worth it.

“A Canadian invented the paint roller.” Mike informed them between bites of a sandwich Chad couldn’t even begin to name.

Misha grinned at him and the J’s laughed. It likely set the mood for the rest of the lunch, off of Chad’s minor issues. Even if they weren’t so minor, Chad would rather not discuss them anyway.

  


Chad hung around his locker too long after school. He was putting off the inevitable, pretending like he wasn’t torn between rushing to the teacher’s room and ditching the punishment at the same time. That would only disappoint Kane though and the absolute last thing Chad wanted was the man’s disappointment in him.

Most of the halls had cleared out when he finally walked toward his teacher’s classroom. Chad’s palms were slightly damp, his heart was picking up speed and by the time he pushed the door open he was nearly panting. These were all bad things, he was sure his face was red and his eyes were a little wide. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so worked up over this moment but he really couldn’t help it.

“Hey.” Kane was standing in front of his desk, clutching his bag and smiling softly. “I was wondering when you’d turn up.”

Chad stared at his soft hair, his warm smile, the bag in his hands then looked up to meet his eyes. “I was nervous.” The words slipped from his lips before he could stop them and he blinked a few times, giving up with a shrug.

“Oh.” Kane’s smile faltered, dress shoes scuffing together as he shuffled from foot to foot. “I make you nervous?”

“When I think I’m in trouble? Yeah. Definitely.” Chad smiled this time, hoping to make Kane’s smile warm and soft all over again. “So, I’m not in trouble?”

“No.” Kane laughed softly and shook his head. “I thought you’d realize that you only got detention because I wanted to-“

The words died in Kane’s mouth and Chad stepped closer, smile brightening. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah.” Kane admitted with a soft nod. “Not here though.”

“You said that last time.” Chad pointed out, steps slowing to a stop. He eyed Kane’s bag again and tried not to get overly excited over anything. “Where?”

“I thought my place. Just to talk, to get to know each other.” Kane added the last part quickly, maybe to keep Chad from reading too much into Chad could only guess.

Chad did anyway and the new heat and nervousness that built in him was for something quite different from the prospect of a detention. “Yeah, let’s go to your place.”

“Okay. Good.” Kane nodded and headed in Chad’s direction, stopping long enough to touch his arm before leading the way out of the room.

At first Chad thought the drive would be awkward, even with no one around climbing into Kane’s truck had been strange. But then Kane smiled over at him, soft and sweet, and Chad’s heart fluttered in his chest.

“Any more troubles with baseball bats?” Kane asked quietly, turning his stereo down before pulling out of the lot.

“No. Dad’s out of town.” Chad slipped up, narrowing down the topic too much. He looked over at Kane with slightly wide eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Chad, you can talk to me about anything.” Kane dropped a hand onto Chad’s thigh and squeezed softly.

The touch burned through the denim, Chad couldn’t help staring. At that moment he felt like he really could talk to Kane about anything, and part of him was once more compelled to spill every single little detail. But even feeling the comfort of the man wasn’t enough to make him quite that brave. “Thanks,” he said instead, almost whispering the words and tracing up the curve of Kane’s arm with his gaze until he could study his profile.

“My pleasure.” Kane chuckled softly, leaving his hand there on Chad’s thigh.

And really, Chad was okay with that. It felt like he belonged. Like maybe he wasn’t the broken piece to a puzzle, maybe he really did have a place he could fit in. “Kane?” He whispered the name softly, dropping his head back against the seat and tilting it to look at him.

“You can call me Christian you know. When it’s just us.” Kane smiled over at him, gaze alternating between Chad and the road.

 _Christian_. Chad really, really liked that. He’d known his teacher’s name of course but everyone just called him Kane. It was like he’d been handed some secret gift all his own. “Christian,” he murmured, laying his hand over the one on his lap.

There was quite a real possibility that Kane - _Christian_ \- shuddered at the word. Chad knew the feeling; he experienced it every time the man said his name.

“Like the way you say that.”

God, his voice was deeper when he said that and Chad’s jaw dropped slightly. It was almost a little pathetic how hard he suddenly was. “Do you, god. Christian, sometimes you make me feel crazy.”

Christian laughed deep and thick, hair sliding along his shoulders as they turned the corner. “M’not even doin’ anything yet.”

“I know that’s why it’s crazy.” Chad grinned, only slightly disappointed when they pulled up onto Christian’s driveway, the man taking his hand back so he could guide them into the garage. “I knew you lived here.”

Christian’s eyebrows arched and he chuckled quietly, pushing the door open and tugging the keys free from the ignition. “I’m not that surprised by that.”

There was no choice left by this point but to grin and slide out of the passenger door, walking around the front of the truck. “I don’t stalk you though.”

“You should.” Christian grinned back, hand hesitating on the garage door leading inside. “I have a cat and a dog, you’re not allergic right?”

“Nah, Jared’s got a couple of dogs; they’re huge, always jumping all over me.” Chad didn’t mention that he knew about Christian’s pets too. There was knowing where someone lived and then knowing intimate details about that somewhere. Chad was just getting an in, he certainly wasn’t looking for an out whether Christian wanted to be stalked or not.

“Good.” Christian nodded; shouldering the door open and holding it open for Chad to follow him inside. “Ickis, down.” Christian caught the large black lab by the collar, pulling him moments before he could knock Chad into the wall.

“Ickis?” Chad smirked slightly and stooped down, shifting closer, hand extending to offer the dog a smell of him.

“Hm. Yes.” Christian chuckled quietly, apparently deciding his dog was no longer a threat as he uncurled his fingers and let the dog free.

Chad laughed when Ickis lurched forward, lapping along his hand and arm, sniffing him constantly, lower body wiggling back and forth with excitement causing his nails to click on the hardwood floor. “Hey little guy, you’re all sorts of excited huh?” Chad grinned and ruffled the dog’s head happily.

Apparently Christian’s return presence must usually mean food because Ickis got bored with Chad within a minute and turned, bolting down the hallway with the clatter of nails on hardwood and sliding slightly as he rounded the corner. Chad snorted in amusement, still crouched on the floor and watching. He tilted his head up, staring at Christian’s jeans for just a moment before mapping out his sculpted chest.

Then fingers curved down through his hair, along his scalp, molding into the back of his neck and pulling him up to his feet. Chad wet his lips on instinct because you couldn’t have Christian _fucking_ Kane staring at you like that without thinking you were about to get kissed.

“Is this- Chad. I need to know this is okay. I can’t push you into this, into anything that happens.” Christian murmured the words inches from his lips, fingers sliding through short spiked hair.

“Christian?” Chad’s voice was deep, rough around the edges and he swayed forward slightly. _God_ he wanted this more than he could put into words but he still wasn’t strong enough to just _take_ it. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want it.”

Obviously that was all Christian needed to hear. In the next moment he was dipping forward and their lips were sliding together once more. But it was nothing like the too brief kiss in the classroom a couple of days ago. Christian’s lips were still soft, still honey sweet but they pressed firm and sure over Chad’s and his hand drew him in while the other slid around his waist and planted firmly against the base of his spine.

Chad couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. It was simply _Christian_ and lips and the kiss he would forever consider the absolute most perfect. Their heads tilted in opposite directions, their lips parted, and when the first gentle pass of tongue came Chad was moaning, losing the ability to keep his knees from giving out. Thankfully his teacher’s grip was strong and reassuring, keeping him there, holding him tight.

A wide, firm pressing hand burned heat through Chad’s shirt and he felt the material shift, Christian’s fingers just barely brushing his skin. This time he moaned loud enough it surprised him and had Christian pressing harder into the kiss, their tongues dueling together for dominance. Then Ickis barked at their side, clearly not pleased at the lack of food being delivered by his master.

Christian detached from the kiss with a soft chuckle, the noise vibrating against Chad’s lips and making him whimper. Fucking _whimper_. “Guess someone is hungry.”

That just, opened so many doors for lewd comments Chad could only blink at him when he stepped away. Then he grinned and Christian returned it, taking his hand and leading him down the long hallway. Curiosity had Chad looking around them, gazing at the pictures of the wall of Christian and friends, maybe family. He was smiling in almost all of them, his guitar making an appearance in most, and Chad wanted to learn every little detail about the man, prayed that he could.

“Alright boy, I’m gettin’ it, calm down.” Christian laughed at Ickis who was dancing around at his feet constantly.

“How old is he?” Chad asked, staring at the pristine kitchen with slightly wide eyes. Everything was new and shiny, cool stainless steel covering the fridge, stove and microwave. The counters were a smooth marble, with little speckles of assorted colors. It was as gorgeous as a kitchen could be Chad felt suddenly far too _dirty_ to be in a place so clean.

“About three years. I got him at the same time I got Oblina. She’s a bit shy though, you might see her once I put her food out.” Christian’s smile was so soft and warm Chad could feel the affection radiating off him. It spoke wonders about the man that he loved his pets so much and really Chad couldn’t be blamed when he crossed the kitchen and only hesitated a beat before laying a hand on his hip.

“You named them after _AAahh real monsters!!!_ didn’t you?” They shared a grin, Christian’s eyes sparkled and Chad swayed forward before he could second guess himself, brushing their lips together. “That is so incredibly awesome.”

“I used to babysit this little girl, in my hometown. And she loved that show. After a while it grew on me. I’ve got a turtle named Krumm too. You know, because I had to have all three.” Christian laughed, giving Chad a quick kiss before turning to carry the filled dog bowl over to the wall, Ickis in a never ending dance at his feet. “Here you go kid.”

Chad leaned against the counter, watching them with a soft, fond smile. Then his attention was drawn down to his ankle where he felt a gentle nudge. Oblina was there, brown and grey fur smooth and slick and puffing out at the tail. “Hey there,” he bent to stroke along her head, pleasantly surprised that she’d come out to greet him.

This entire situation was pleasantly surprising really. Earlier when he’d been considering what detention with Kane was going to be like not even his wildest dreams would have ended with him here, in this man’s home. Well maybe his _wildest_ but he’d never thought it would become reality.

“She doesn’t normally take to anyone.” Christian said softly, bending down beside Chad to set a small dish of cat food down on the ground.

Their eyes met and Chad marveled at the way they kept having these moments, were it was as if something between them sparked and transferred, something deeper. Like they were in a movie they rose at the same time, still smiling softly at each other. “Maybe I have a way with animals.”

“Maybe it’s just Kanes. You can win us all over with your charming persona.” Christian chuckled softly; sliding his hand along Chad’s hip, just barely slipping under his shirt.

Chad felt the touch like bursts of light, thick warm fingers burning into his skin and he blinked a few times to clear the sudden lust blur in his vision. “Why did you bring me here?”

“Because I want to know you.” Christian murmured, fingers curling along Chad’s back, blunt nails grazing over his skin. “I want to learn every little detail that makes you, you. And maybe figure out why I can’t stop thinking about you.”

The words made Chad feel dizzy, everything he’d wanted to hear for so long. For a fleeting moment he considered the possibility that this was just a dream. Maybe he was imagining it and in the real world he was simply blocking out hard blows from a father that never really cared. “On my fourth birthday my dad broke my arm because I knocked over my glass of milk during breakfast.” Chad had no intention of telling the man that thing in particular and he blinked a few times, waiting for some semblance of disgust to cross Christian’s face because it wasn’t normal, it wasn’t right, and it was maybe Chad’s fault he still lived that life.

Instead there was only a brief flicker of sadness before Christian’s palm was pressing flat against his spine, guiding him out of the kitchen and into the living room. “You know Chad; it’s against the law for me not to tell someone about the abuse.”

A sharp jolt of panic shot through Chad and he stepped away from the touch, sliding arms protectively over his chest. “It’s against the law for you to kiss me too.” He didn’t mean it as a threat but he let Christian interpret it that way if he wanted too. The very real idea that Chad could tell anyone at any time about the kisses and he wouldn’t be at fault, but it would destroy Christian’s life and Chad would never even dream of doing that.

“I wish you’d reconsider. There’s no reason they couldn’t find you a temporary home around here so you wouldn’t have to give everything up.” Christian stepped toward him once more, stroking a thumb down his jaw.

“Can we talk about something else?” Chad asked quietly, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch.

There was the slightest pause, like Christian was considering pushing the issue further, but it passed within moments. “Alright, let me go get some sodas.”

While Chad settled himself on the couch he took the opportunity to peer curiously around the man’s living room. There more pictures, some paintings, a nice entertainment center with a big screen TV. Obviously Christian had money, more than just a teacher’s salary, and Chad wondered about all the little secrets to the man’s life that he had yet to learn.

“Let Ickis out too, he’s real particular about the doggie door and when he’ll use it.” Christian chuckled as he came back into the room, dropping down onto the couch beside Chad and offering one of the Coke’s in his hand. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“A million different things.” Chad shrugged, smiling down at the can as he popped it open. “How old are you?”

Christian’s shoulders stiffened for a moment, eyes fixed down on his lap. “Twenty nine. I’m too old for you.”

“I think I’m old enough to decide that.” Chad pointed out and shifted to lean against Christian’s side. “Am I too young for you?”

“You should be,” Christian murmured, adjusting with Chad’s movements until his arm slid across Chad’s shoulders and pulled him close. “I don’t need to tell you all the reasons we shouldn’t do this.”

“But we’re going to.” It wasn’t a question, some part of Chad already knew that they were on this road and he didn’t want to get off. His free hand settled over denim across Christian’s thigh, forming the muscle beneath his palm.

A hand slid through Chad’s hair, the softest of caress followed by an equally soft sigh. “Yeah, we’re going to.”

Chad’s heart fluttered and he smiled, laying his head on Christian’s shoulder and marveling at the simplicity of it. “How can you afford such a nice place?”

“Inheritance from my Grandparents.” Christian kept his voice low, keeping the moment intimate and private. “They raised me. When my Grandma passed away a couple of years ago she left me all she had. So now I can teach and still do my music and live comfortably. I lucked out.”

It did sound a lot like luck. Chad was fairly certain if his parent’s died all he would inherit would be his freedom. Which wasn’t a bad thing really. “Do you miss her?”

“Yeah, she was the last of my family. My parents died when I was younger, so it’s odd. Being the only one left.” Christian tried to shrug it off but Chad had been studying the man for years and he could pick up the deep layered tones of sadness.

“Maybe you’ll have a family someday, and then you won’t be the last one.” Chad offered with a small smile. It was likely only natural for his mind to go to that place where he pictured his own future with Christian, a family, somewhere he was safe and warm and comforted always. Somewhere he didn’t have to live in fear of the night to come.

They fell into easy conversation after this. Chad found answering Christian’s more superficial questions an easy task. Favorite movie, favorite book, least favorite class since it was fairly obvious which one he preferred the most. Chad learned that he and Christian shared a healthy love for action movies and football teams. And though Christian sang mostly country music he could appreciate the other genres and didn’t even tease Chad when he admitted to having a certain fondness for the more clichéd and popular songs.

It didn’t take long for Chad to realize that Christian Kane was so much more than the image Chad had created in his mind. He hadn’t even been close in imagining his perfection. For everything one liked that the other didn’t – like Chad’s not so secret love for basketball and Christian’s apparent passion for gardening – Christian simply laughed and said differences were good. Sometimes he spoke like they were already an _us_ and it never failed to send little shivers down Chad’s spine.

They talked until the sun began to set, gravitating to the kitchen at some point while Christian cooked chicken and rice and Chad played on the floor with Ickis. It all felt so very _normal_. Which was why Chad was a bit surprised when he found himself trailing after Christian and ending up in his bedroom. It was a lot like the rest of the house, nice and tidy, crisp white blanket and sheets, large king sized bed taking up the center of the room.

Nerves sparked in Chad and his steps faltered, eyes shooting over to the dresser then the closet then the open door to the attached bedroom. The door behind him clicked as Christian pushed it closed and Chad couldn’t hold back the slight start of his shoulders, turning wide eyed to the man. “I’ve never been with a man before.”

“I figured.” Christian nodded, steps slow and precise to him. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“I want to.” Chad murmured, turning into his warmth, lifting hands to frame along his jaw. “We’ll go slow?”

“Definitely.” Christian nodded once more and turned his head to press a kiss to Chad’s palm.

Then hands settled on Chad’s hips, pulling him forward and their lips were meeting once more in that same, spark laced collide. Chad no longer had space in his brain left to be nervous. It was all smooth warm lips and pressing fingers guiding him, shifting him over to the edge of the bed. Chad could feel the mattress bump into his calves and he broke from the kiss long enough to pull the man’s shirt off, hands sliding instantly over his perfectly sculpted chest. It looked like someone had molded him, created the perfect imprint of abs and pecs and silky smooth skin.

“You’re so fucking hot.” Chad laughed, almost in disbelief and sank down onto the bed, hands coming to rest on his teacher’s waistline. Christian’s chest shook with his soft chuckle and his fingers fluttered out through Chad’s hair. “Can I?” Chad whispered, letting his thumb slowly circle the button so there would be no doubt in the man’s mind what he wanted.

“Mmhmm.” Christian hummed, nodding slowly.

Christian kept perfectly still as Chad moved, sliding the button free from its fasten. The zipper dragging down seemed to echo every pant of air leaving Chad’s lungs. _Never done this. Never done this._ Nervous again rose up in Chad but eyes stayed fixed on the hips before him as he pulled the jeans down. The hard line of arousal was protruding from black boxer briefs that hugged Christian’s body like an impossibly hot, impossibly tight glove.

“Chad,” the man moaned his name like a praise, falling from his lips gloriously slow and drawn out in that husky purr. It sent shudders down Chad’s spine and he dipped forward, sucking softly over his exposed hipbones. Christian’s skin tasted just slightly like sweat, musk and something sweet he couldn’t name.

Thin black material slipped through Chad’s fingers and he pulled up and just like that Christian’s cock was there before him. It was thick and long, swollen and red, twitching as Chad simply stared. The longer he looked, the harsher Christian’s breath became and his body twitched forward like Chad staring was driving him impossibly insane.

Then Chad couldn’t stare anymore, he wanted more. His hand only slightly shook as he reached out and curled his fingers around Christian’s cock, starting at the base and sliding up. Christian’s body jerked forward into his touch, a low groan leaving the man’s mouth and soaking down over Chad like a blanket of warmth. His breath caught as the man’s cock twitched in his grip, skin sliding slick along his palm.

“Fuck Chad, put your mouth on me.” Christian growled the words, settling a hand along the back of Chad’s head.

The command shot through Chad like sparks and he was complying before he could even consider his nerves. There was salty musk, precome smearing over his tongue and thick flesh filling his mouth in a way he’d never imagined just right. It was so _good_ and Chad was so hard in his jeans it was uncomfortable. But he ignored it and sank down over the hard line, swallowing the next little burst of flavor.

Christian’s hips began to rock, pulling him out and pushing back in, each time a little deeper as if he were testing Chad. It was a test Chad was eager to pass. He forced himself to relax, knowing all too well what it took to fall out of a situation enough to still hold control and handle it all. But this wasn’t like _that_ because everything about this was just pleasure.

Chad sucked and worked his tongue and road out each thrust from Christian until his jaw ached and his mind reeled. His _teacher_ was fucking his mouth. That was a level of hot he was unprepared to handle. Then Christian’s grip was tightening, he was grunting out a warning about being close and Chad dug his nails into the man’s hips to keep him there.

Thick jets of come splashed along his tongue and to the back of his throat. Chad nearly choked but managed to swallow it down, pulling back enough to keep from spilling. His entire mouth felt abused in just the perfect way and when Christian pulled him up to his feet he went willingly. It should have been perfect, and it damn near was when Christian’s tongue snaked into his mouth and swept away the lingering taste of him.

Then that hand was back under his shirt and pushing up and Chad had a moment of clarity as to what would happen next. Christian would undress him, seeking to please him. But Christian would _see_. The scars and bruises and marks. It was one thing to hold up his shirt for one quick inspection but to be laid out in front of the man? Chad suddenly couldn’t stand the idea of Christian seeing just how broken he was.

“Don’t-“ he gasped softly and pulled back from the kiss, stepping out of Christian’s arms. “I don’t want, I’m too. Just, I can’t.”

Christian looked, understandably, confused. “What is it? I thought this was okay. Chad?”

It was too late. Chad was already thinking about the scar on his lower back and the bruise on the middle of his chest. And the other scars, on his legs, marring his body, shattering the illusion he worked so hard to keep up. “It’s not you.” He managed to gasp, taking quick steps back to the door. “It was, this is. I don’t want you to see.”

“Hey. Come on, it’s okay. We don’t have to,” Christian was following him, reaching out a hand in offering, smiling soft and encouraging.

That was the thing about letting his mind go this way though. Chad couldn’t escape the thoughts once they’d began. Christian deserved better than someone like him. He deserved perfection. Chad was about the furthest thing from perfection and he was stupid to think he could ever be good enough for someone like _Kane_.

“Chad,” Christian whispered, steps coming to a stop. Maybe he saw it in Chad’s eyes, knew what he was thinking and couldn’t find the right words to say to make it better.

Because there weren’t right words to say. Chad could still taste his lips and his come and feel the ghost of his hand in his hair. “I’m sorry.” He whispered back, keeping his eyes to the ground as he turned and left the room.

Chad ran because he didn’t want Christian to follow him. He left his bag – not caring – and just barely remembered to close the door behind him. He ran and ran and ran until he was suddenly at home. It made him sick to think this was the only place he had to go. Glancing behind him he could just see into Jared’s window and the shape of Jensen passed by.

For some reason it made his heart sink further.

Steeling his shoulders and inhaling slowly Chad walked the rest of the way to his front door and stepped inside. When he lifted his gaze his dad was standing right there. And yeah, that was basically the story of Chad’s life.


End file.
